The Super Sexy Superstar Jam

What to say about this blue-briefed babe? That his wavy page-boy hair and 70s-sleaze mustache are like frosting on a perfectly packaged cupcake? I'd like to taste somma that!! Just imagine him pulling up to your apartment in a smurf-blue camaro, walking up to your door with a bunch of fresh daisies, and wearing nuttin but those snug blue briefs. You would just die.

The Ken Doll Jam

Admittedly there is something a little bit too Ken Doll-ish about this Jam. Or maybe it's more Kmart catalog. But whatever. This guy is a total Jam. Just watch the first half hour of Little Children to get the vibe. He has the dreamiest eyes. Or maybe it's more a certain look he gives that is just so hot it makes you melt. He also has a body that is so perfect it's almost too perfect, if you know what I mean. But again, whatever. He is a J-A-M Jam.

Brushed Cotton Blazer, $99. Hot Hunk, FREE IN YO' DREAMS!!!

The Tudor Jam

Jonathan Rhys Meyers is in a ten-part drama series on Showtime called The Tudors, playing Henry VIII. Yeah, just for comparison's sake let's look at the real HVIII:

You know you could fit two of him in Henry's corpulent fat suit. Historical inaccuracies aside, who wants to see someone who actually looks like Henry get it on? Not I. From the looks of it it's one of those period pieces full of "romping" and "royal scepters". But hey, good fun is bound to be had. Anne Boleyn was a total ho, after all.

Your décolletage bores me.

Come and sit on Santa's lap.

Off with your clothes!

Men of Lost: The Iraqi Jam

Naveen Andrews, in real life, is with a woman 21 years his senior. Barbara Hershey. She's 57! That's super hot 'cause you know they are totally in love. Him as Sayid on Lost is even jammier though. Similar to Jack Bauer, someone who is intimately familiar with effective torture methods is a man to be reckoned with. It was even cute when he hooked up with Shannon -- he can make a woman forget all about her affair with her brother.

Do you crash here often?

I've got some airline snacks back at my place.

The Becks Jam

Late afternoon at work when you start getting really, really bored, there's a certain pattern you follow. First, you start out with some light news and editorials such as the most e-mailed list on NYT. Then, you might hit up boingboing or Gizmodo to ease into the gray area between current events and blogs. After browsing Craigslist for a while, suddenly you remember Pink is the new blog. You must be desperate, because only a porn site could be more NSFW.

Luckily, it's worth it for the hot pics of guys alone. He sure has good taste. I shamelessly stole this picture of David Beckham from his site because it is the hottest thing I will find, so why bother trying? This quote says it all: "I don't know what Victoria Beckham did to deserve that man but she better be enjoying it or else." Men, get yourself a tailored suit and a crisp white shirt. Even if you're not a gazillionaire footy player, I guarantee you will look "HAWT!"

The Yankee Jam

Forget about the amazing pitching stats. The important information about Mike Mussina is that he's the epitome of tall, dark and handsome, graduated from Stanford early with a degree in economics, and is a New York Times crossword puzzle freak. Did I mention that he is absolutely adorable? This picture doesn't really do him justice, but in all the others he was in mid-pitch and looking like he was either going through a wind tunnel or about to throw up.

The GyllenJam

Wow. Okay. Here's Jake Gyllenhaal as the cover boy of GQ. His new movie is Zodiac, which features a Jam triple threat - Jake, Robert Downey Jr., and Mark Ruffalo. It is a movie about dark wavy hair and brooding, sensual eyes. Oh, and people killing each other and stuff.

The Dark Irish Jam

If you like 'em bloody, half-naked and constantly on the run from zombies, check out Cillian Murphy in 28 Days Later. You could OD on eyes and lips alone.

P.S. to the Perfect Jam

In case you weren't convinced. Ladies, let your hearts be set a-throb.

The Perfect Jam

First there was Jason Lee. Skateboarder-turned-actor. A Jam. Except we should have known that things would go downhill with him since he chose to act in some of the worst films ever made (Chasing Amy, Dogma). He also then started going bald and became a Scientologist, which is like buying a first-class ticket to the Land of Non-Jams. It was sad. But then along came Johnny Knoxville.

Johnny Knoxville is both dashingly handsome and irresistibly cute at the same time, which is something very, very few can claim. Plus he has charming style, he's a little bit bad (which always gets some Jam points), and apparently has balls of steel. A Jam of dreams.

The Post-9/11 Jam

Only one thing would keep me from watching "Heroes", and that's "24" in the same timeslot. This is the ago of Tivo. Can we please not have all the shows on at the same time? I don't know who Claire's mom turned out to be, but I do know this: Jam, I mean, Jack Bauer has saved the world at least ten times, and it's still as hot as ever! Don't you just love the uncompromising and brutal way he goes after swarthy evildoers, just to save the lives of total strangers?

Picture him and his forearms gunning down foe after foe with all kinds of stuff exploding in the background, in a montage to the tune of Bonnie Tyler's "Holding out for a Hero". In our post-9/11 world, can you afford not to jam on that?

The New (and Improved!) Ultimate Man Jam

Move over, Matthew Fox. A new Jam has taken your place! But that's OK because it's a new year, after all. And a new year demands a new Ultimate Jam.

A Jam-style synopsis of the (excellent) film Children of Men goes a little something like this: Clive Owen = Dreamboat. Roll credits.

Bat Jam

Just saw The Prestige. Hugh Jackman was as questionable as ever, as the poncy entertainer, and I'm starting to wonder if his body is CG, because it truly doesn't belong with his head.

Okay, I admit a battle between rival magicians in Victorian London is about as questionable as it gets. But Christian Bale is no poofter, nor is he a merely a Comparative Jam. He's working class, rough-and-tumble, cocky, dirty, obsessed, brilliant, shirtless, I could go on and on. He is a Jam -- of EPIC proportions.

The Dashing Jam

Sometimes when you're posting a Man Jam, it's kind of hard to find the right picture, because most Jams aren't always a Jam. But in the case of Jude Law, the problem is that he looks good in EVERY picture. Even in this one picture from some movie called Mr. Blueberry Nights in which they give him the most ridiculous looking hairdo ever, he STILL looks good. Jude Law is like a young Paul Newman. Yowza!

The Nasty Jam

He's older. And sleezy. And absolutely kind of nasty. And maybe not even a true Man Jam because no woman in her right mind would ever go there. But if you saw Tommy Lee in Rock Star Supernova, it is hard to deny his cute-but-nasty charm. Plus he is a kick-ass drummer. And that is hard to resist.

Oh, and one more thing: for the record, this is not the best picture. But in almost every other one he is licking somebody. See? Nasty!